The Wire | An Algorithm for the Fans

As a middle class white guy who likes to pretend he understands life and culture on the street, The Wire was everything I needed to pretend like I was part of “the game.” From learning what “the count” was, to figuring out that I never wanted to “get got,” the life and times of the Barksdale kingdom and it’s slow demise to Marlo’s power grab, the pointless street ripping, and the chaotic good of Omar Little, I felt like I understood this show’s true protagonist, the city of Baltimore; now my favorite baseball team, no matter how many losing seasons in a row they might rack up.

And as an avid fan of what I consider the greatest show of all time, I felt the best course of action to compare myself to other fans would be to create an algorithm that gave us all a numerical rating. So without further delay, follow this equation to determine where you stand among others.

First, take the number of times you have watched all five seasons and assign it to (X).

Second, pick your favorite season according to the following values and assign it to (Y) : (Season 1 = 2), (Season 2 = 3), (Season 3 = 4), (Season 4 = 5), (Season 5 = 1).

Third, take the number of people you have personally recommended the show to and assign it to (Z)

Fourth, create a list of your favorite TV shows, wherever The Wire ends up on that list numerically, assign it a value of (A)

Fifth, count every street name for crack-cocaine you learned from The Wire and assign it to (B)

Sixth, total every time you have smoked crack-cocaine and assign it to (e)

Seventh, count the drug corners you walk by intentionally to eavesdrop on drug slang on a daily basis and assign it to (C)

Your rating as a fan will be assigned a value of (W), you can determine where you stand compared to others on the graph below:

W =  [100(X + Y)/A + 2(Z)(B)(C)] – e

The Wire Graph

shiiieeeeeeeet

 

Couldn’t have said it better myself Senator Davis:

Stenton Toledo

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